Back in America

We did arrive in America safely after our adventurous trip. I could tell we had arrived when I saw a sign at the airport advertising the airports chapel welcoming Jews, Muslims, Christians and those of any other faith. My senses were shocked upon hearing and understanding so many conversations around me, and hearing English spoken in an American accent as opposed to a Balkan one.

We had to accomplish two things during our visit to America. One was to go to New York City to the office of the Consulate General of the Republic of Macedonia at United Nations Plaza in order to get the infamous stamp placed on our paperwork. Secondly, we had to get our Criminal Record Searches re-done since the visa process had taken so long the original ones had already expired. We arrived in Virginia and left for New York City within a couple of days. Upon arriving at the Consulate General's office it took all of about ten minutes to get the stamp that was required, for which we had traveled all that way. The receptionist was apologetic about the fact that we had to travel so far to get it done. I wanted to laugh out loud and tell the story of what we had to go through to get there, but I refrained. The Criminal Record Search came in the mail with about a week and a half to spare.


Shortly before returning home I was having a recurrence of knee pain from the Lyme disease I was diagnosed with the week before I moved to Macedonia. I got to see my doctor in America, and was diagnosed with Lyme arthritis in my knees, and am being treated for it now. In the middle of my visit I started experiencing a number of other serious symptoms that sent me back to the doctor, who ordered an EKG, and some other testing, which all came out fine, so it was determined I was experiencing a side effect of the medication. Since then the symptoms have subsided and not bothered me any longer. The arthritis posed a challenge when I returned to Macedonia considering the fact that I walk an average of something like 3-5 miles a day just to get where I need to go. But just this past weekend the pain has begun to subside and make life easier. Please pray that my body will be completely healed of Lyme disease and anything associated and I will be free to live life here without these physical hindrances.

My family was all together for the first time in at least a year, and we enjoyed a canoe trip together, playing with the horses and doing a family photo shoot.
It worked out nicely that we all happened to be there to celebrate my mother's birthday, an unexpected pleasure. It was a blessing having my dad's help figuring out my taxes and other paperwork, and just getting to spend time with everyone.


God's provision for this unexpected trip was awesome to watch. I have a few monthly supporters but am mostly living by faith from month to month. When I heard I had to go home, it posed an opportunity to exercise even more faith. My financial situation was such that to purchase a plane ticket would drain my finances to the point where I would have almost nothing to live on when I returned to Macedonia. I prayed and stepped out in faith. Two people, unaware of my situation gave large donations at just this time that were enough to cover most of my travel expenses, and then other friends heard and blessed me. The result was that by the time I returned to Macedonia I had close to the same amount of money, if not more, to live off of than I had before I left. God has always been faithful. It amazes me, how from the biggest to the smallest things, he takes care of it all. So many times I have thought I didn't have money to take the bus when I needed to, or to buy food for the last week of the month. But then the next thing I know someone offers me a ride, or offers to pay for some food, and it's all taken care of. I have never yet been in lack of a necessity. I look back at God's faithfulness and wonder how I ever doubt Him.

So Who am I Again, and What am I Doing Here?

I've been here in Macedonia almost three months now. At first homesickness wasn't an issue. I was so excited to be here, that I wasn't thinking too much about what I left behind. But I've been here long enough that the newness has worn off and I start to face the reality of the cost involved in this path I have chosen to travel. I am going to be very real about the struggles, and about the questions I am facing, because the answers God is giving me are very real as well, and maybe they can be an encouragement to others besides myself.

Last night I was at the Glasnost church service and they played a song that was often sung at the little church down the road from my home in Virginia. I almost cried when I heard it, for it sent a wave of memories rushing through my head. It reminded me of what I left behind. My mind and heart were flooded with images and memories. I thought of my family, and the wonderful times we shared together, of our beautiful country home, and the wonderful community of neighbors
surrounding us. I thought of quiet moments spent sitting by the creek enjoying the peace and beauty of the mountains I lived among. I thought of ice skating on the neighbor's pond, of snowball battles in the field, of horse back riding together, of working together on the farm. I miss it all. I miss my job, the creative outlet of sewing. I miss my church family, the dance team I was on, the twin babies I watched, the other children I worked with. The reality is that it hurts, this path is not without a cost.

And then I think of where I am now, of this path I have chosen to walk. On a daily basis I face very stretching experiences. I almost forget what it's like to be able to understand all the conversations going on around me, to be able to go shopping without wondering if I will get myself in an awkward situation because of my inability to communicate. I used to know how to cook, how to shop, how to get around. I felt like an adult. Suddenly, everything I used to know doesn't always apply and so many times I feel like a child again, always relying on someone else to teach me how things are done. It is humbling, and tiring all at once. Sometimes I think my brain will explode if I try to stuff one more Macedonian word inside it, or figure out how to form another sentence. One day maybe I will know which bus to catch where, and when to get off so as not to be late for an appointment, but that day has not come yet. And sometimes I stop and wonder, "Okay, so why did I choose this path? Why didn't I just stay where so many things were easier?" I don't mean to complain, and I would be remiss if I did not mention the many amazing friendships God has given me here that make it all so much easier. But just bear with me for a minute as I trace for you the very real path that I am walking and share with you the place of victory God has showed me in it.

This morning I was talking with God. I realized that Jesus walked this path before me. He left heaven to come down and become one of us. What I left behind is nothing compared to what He left. So I asked Jesus how He did it without becoming disheartened and sad. The words He spoke to me filled me with life and hope again. He told me that He fixed his eyes on unseen things, on the eternal, not the temporal. He came here with a mission, to rescue his bride so that she could go and live with Him in eternity. He had a purpose, and that is what He lived for, He was focusing on the joy set before Him, not what was in front of Him at the moment.

So I pause and think about who I really am, what my purpose is and where I am going. These are all things I have "known" all along, but now they become reality deep in my heart as they are tested. I am a daughter of God, and therefore a citizen of heaven, my citizenship does not lie with any country on the earth. I chose to walk this path because I am in love with Jesus, and I want to be where He is. The way He works, it is in losing my life that I will find it, and in dying that I will live. Sometimes I get tired of the mud and grime in Shutka, but then I remember that anything that I do to the least of these around me, I am doing to Jesus, the one I love. Sometimes the seeds I am sowing into people's lives don't look like they are bearing fruit. But I can stand on the promise that no word of the Lord goes forth without accomplishing the purpose for which it was sent. And when a new culture becomes tiring I remind myself that I was not made for any city here on earth, I am looking for a city whose builder and maker is God. This life is just a fleeting moment, here today and gone tomorrow. What will matter in the end is not so much where I lived, what I had or didn't have, but what I sowed into eternity. And through it all, I am just working along side Jesus, and in His presence is where I find fulness of joy, regardless of who else is with me. His love makes it all okay, and His grace is sufficient. I would not choose any other path.